The main thing on my mind at the minute is schoolwork, exams and everything that they mean. 5 of my subjects are going well, but one isn't. Basically, I had a maths test yesterday and I got a score which was beyond a joke, let's say it was less than 20%. It's not just one test either...since I started doing the IB I've never done well at maths. I got an A at GCSE, which is piss easy anyway. I can do chemistry and biology and the rest pretty well...but for some god damn reason maths just doesn't sink in. It's not as though I hate maths...I actually love it! Which makes it all the more frustrating. I just don't know what to do. All today I've been panicking and working my socks off...spending every spare minute doing past paper questions off IB papers. But it just doesn't make sense to me. If I was doing A'levels it wouldn't be such a big deal...but I'm not which means that if I fail maths, I fail everything basically, and my life path goes down the pan. I want to study medicine...which isn't easy to get into...and I'm just really worried that I won't reach my ambitions. Everyone keeps saying to me that I am really intelligent and of course I will get into med school...but I guess I am my harshest critic.
The other thing on my mind is my ex...he got in touch last week and he was really depressed, and was saying things like "I left the woman of my dreams when I left you...and I'll wait for an eternity until I can have you back". Thing is, every cell in my body tells me NOT to even go there again...because he hurt me so badly and treated me horribly even after leaving me. It's flattering that he realises he lost the best thing that ever has or ever will happen to him...and I would like to be his friend because he can be a good laugh and I can have intelligent conversations...and we just "get" eachother. But no more...I vowed never to let him hurt me again and my will of iron ensures that never again will I be in a relationship with him. He is suffering badly because he lost the "most caring, loyal, devoted, passionate, funny, beautiful, hot, sexy, fit, nurturing woman" he has ever known, apparently. And he knows that it was a big mistake leaving me(well...on his part...I came out of it quite well!)and well...there is a slight hint of schadenfreude in my mind...!
We played a match against a state school yesterday...and it was not a pleasant experience. They were bitchy, aggressive, rude, pushy and generally not nice to play with. They kept provoking our team members and nearly caused a few fights. But it went without major incident. I was standing in the pavillion sending a text when all the opposing team wandered in and didn't realise I was there. I stood there for a couple of minutes listening to them slag off our team...and our school and I very rarely do things like this...but they got my back up so I thought what the hey. I turned around, and their faces were like "oops...didn't realise one of them was actually in here...". Quite foolishly really, I turned to all about 15 of them and started having a go back at them, picking holes in everything they had said and adding a few things of my own. I ended with something like "We might have lost...but it's not because we're rubbish...it's because we spend more time working and less time dossing around on wasteland...and it's not our fault we're clever enough to go to a decent school(they called us "snobs"...our parents actually give a shit about us and work hard for a living etc etc". As I said, that's not normally my style but the one thing that I don't like is people slagging off and bitching about me, my family, friends or anyone I know. And god, it felt good. I made a swift exit before they had a chance to do something harmful(no, I'm not stereotyping...they actually said they wish they had a knife on them...which they "would have pulled on that blonde Oakham bitch who slide tackled" her)...hm. And I don't have anything against state schools for the record(I myself attended state schools for about 12 years!).
xxxx
